another moral hangover. fuck.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
