Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Help. Why am I so naked?
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