why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You can't just leave with hair like that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
