You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
