I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
