I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
