Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize