i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
