And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
