tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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