he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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