That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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