i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
