about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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