just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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