You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
