just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize