I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
pray to the hookup gods
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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