I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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