Cold hands, warm shart.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
