I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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