The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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