there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i believe in u and ur pee
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