You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize