Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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