I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
