i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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