yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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