Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
