What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
