She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
