I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
