I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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