thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
