i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
