someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
