I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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