he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
