her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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