happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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