Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
