is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
