I need to stop coming to work sober
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
