If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize