she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize