I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
