my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
