I will die if light touches me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
