please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
