Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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