i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
