either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize