Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
