god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
