Please, let me fuck your mom
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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