My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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