I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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