I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
