You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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