Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
