I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Randomize
