Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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