yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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