I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
