You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
