i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
