yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
