i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
