If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize