whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize