i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
