I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
