Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
