dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
