i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
