dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
