ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
