a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
