even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
